best body hair ever and tiredness

oioi

i just got back from devo week end away.. am knackard.
was chatting to the delightful Ro there bout me starting doing this fun thingie again and had fear that id just not bother after last post and would look a n00b for the rest of forever.

so here i am.. im so out of the habit of this [amd rather aware i ent bein v rivetting..]

i have just found the most exciting body hair combo ever<<<<

makes me want to be a hairy man

and if that ent rivetting then i duno what is.

toodles

back (but not by popular demand..)

geuss waht im going to do..
start bloggin again
has been a terribly long time
tbh i stoped as was a very robin based thing and what with severe absence of robin in life i stoped..
but feel enough time has elapsed that i may now start again
i do rather like it.. alot actually

indeed my new and dear friend jack (barrie, but i call jack) has influenced by returning. if i have a friend on here to comment with then its worth it

ok so this ent a rivating first post back but what can i say? it is stupid o'clock anywho

bbc cockup

u may have heard of the bbc's cock up, mistaking an IT repair man, for a buisness expert and putting him on live tv. lol. but this the video of him, oh the amusement. seems like a nice guy.. thought i share the love

rahhhh

im so not able to work! i ache soo soo much, oh the joys of my gender. and this is the most important and busy workwise weekend of this year (art & photography all finally due in on mon and tues (which iv soo done) and my first writen exam on tues (wich again iv soo strated revising for, hmm))

oh dear.

its not fair i feel so rough, feels like my back is breaking, ish anyway.

me atm

oh my life, im actually gona die form the quantity of work iv got. have to do a sketchbook for firday, have all the resorces just have to put it all together and do lots of drawings but cant do it in two days. its a really final deadline too. gona fail art.fun. also got my photography prep for tues, and my first writen exam on tues, which i havnet started revising for.

on top of this feel like a rubbish girlfriend.

but God is good. and it will all be ok. He's telling me to just give it all to him atm, cos i cant do it on my own. its too much. robin stuff aswell as work.

rah and did i say about my dad stuff? (yes i have alot of stuff) well id kinda been pretending that that had been healed since soulsurvivor cos i want it to be soo soo much. and well geus waht kids, it still hasnt, im still skrewed up. man iv been hurting about the same thing for so long. like iv been crying for two years or more, and i just dont see it stopping. and it hurts so much. rah.
and cos i hadnt dealt with it, its all surfacing by me over reacting to little things (like all emotional skrewed upness does) and so with me and robin no tbeing so close atm, i keep taking it as him proply rejecting me and we dont take rejection well. like all the minor irritations feed into a deep deep well or rejection and abandoning and pain, that id like to forget about.

so i keep getting realy hurt when he doesnt tb or whatever which in itself is that big a deal, but to me is really really hurting. and im not sure if robins gets that. well tired.

just want to run away so much.(not like from home but from all this trashiness)

so im a happy bunny.

but like i said God is good. it will all be ok. iv really just got to give robin into His hands. cos he is Gods first and me clinging on too tight wont mean hes anymore mine, or anymore likely to like me more (rah tbh it dont feel like rob does like me all htat much and that is probs not true, but how i feel and hes told me otherwise, bit only when iv asked him, which doesnt count. and i want him to soo much, and it hurts that i cant make him/that he doesnt, tho he does.. make anysense?)

also like God got me and robin together, well kicked me til i did something. its His in the first place. Hes still got to have the power, Hes got to come first. and like i think i made robin way too important, like getting all my love/afirmation/self worth form him, and thats got to come from God and robin jsut be a nice thing - not my all. so God bringing me back. robin not showing me/giving me that love etc i need means iv realised my dependancy on him.. GIOd got to come first. if God turned round and said uv cant be together anymore for some reason, then iv got to be able to tkae that and choose His will not mine, cos my relationship with God will last for eternity and He is my all.

whats nice about all this is getting closer to God again. its so the nicest place to be.
"Your [GOD] are breathing room for my soul,
solid rock beneath my feet,
my strong tower.
You give me everything i need so why not[wait on His timing/giving etc]?" - pslam 62
is lush am likwe being romanced by God which sounds silly, but is in the bible loads (poor Hosea)

right must sign off, bed an all that. long eh after so long. it never rains but it pours.

beautious dress!!! hurah hurah hurah
is red and nice and goodly and better then chocolate.. wait pictures
hurah

poor me

burnt my finger, it hurts

lots

: )

replaced pictures

the picture of the emins thingie, can ye see the picture now? silly tripod people

somthing else i saw and liked

hm back again.. too much work means no blogging sadly.
heres something i rather like that iv found. is by ford maqdox brown, a pre-raphaelite painter (the pre-raphaephites where a group of student rebels who were pissed off with the boring art around when they were learning, so they caused alot of upset etc.. quite cool really) i like this, i am obviously a foolish romantic but this is sweet, think it captures that feeling well. and the story. o its romeo and juliet, i told u i was a foolish romantic.

this is by tracy emin, shes one of the influences for art art project and am writing her up atm, found this and really liked it, kinds struck a chord. is bout a realtionship she had. dunno resonated for me. thought id show u chaps, gain pologies for lack of posting of late.

how i am in short:
work
bottled
struggling
'fine'
scared
polite
enjoying escaping
time wasting

happy then : )

wouldnt that be an ironic last post?
lol
rah so much work, so little time applied to it
rah
if uv ever been bored enough to search hmm on google image u would have been surprised and shocked to find that the first image was porn. shocking no?
further evidence google is evil

*evil laughing*

oo so ha robin
so have made it more than two months
so ha
ha ha
haaaa

dressing up

arent u intruiged by how you could be anyone you wanted to be if u made the effort, if u met a new sphere of people then you could be anyone. its not that hard to act, make a new name, new personality, make a back story. could be fun. tho isolating i geuss.

was listing to a drama on the marvy radio four about a guy that was too nice to people to dump them, so he had 3 dif long term partners and children with two of them. and to each he was a dif person because when he'd met them he just slipped into who they wanted him to be. the premiss being he was actualy quite personalityless. was really interesting, and quite amusing. but yeah, you could be anyone, if u wanted/tried. i could probs effectively pretend for a day or so that i was Sheril, a beauitition concerned only with men, nails and gossip. provided with the right garbe.

i like the idea of dressing up/pretending to be soemone else/acting i geuss.. like the idea of having some dressing up clothes with u, e.g. a fur shrug and big sun glasses that transformed u into looking like someone very dif. did this in photography, a girl had come into model for a fellow student.. bring these thing with her, so i poped them on whilst she was having her makeup done, was very amusing to see how dif people reacted and they notices at dif times. lol

i like that kind of thing.
also the whole over dressing for everyday.. like not quite ball desses cos ur then deemed as mad, but formal, would be fun. could do dif time periods etc.. lol, these thoughts amuse me. think i shall wear a dress for school. maybe warm up with devo or just seeing robin.

have discoered that several people wear their ball gowns/siuts around the house - ellen and ben j so that i have realised so far. hehe, i do this too, very statifying

rah! why is it so hard???

ok so for my RS alevel am doing religious experience and HW was to find examples of dif experiences. i was kinda stoked cos i like this bit of rs and is cool to find out about dif experices of God. but rah! google hates me. have typed in a variety of 'religious experince example' based searches and have found only two, in pages and pages. its all debaet about the nature of them not examples. we were warned not to look at sensationalist American sites etc, as they may not be accuate, but i havnt even come across them, would be happy with them atm, cos they atleast would have SOMETHING. rah indeed.

the language is so impenetratable! i swear they are speaking some kind of hybrid theological accademia english that only the elite can understand

rah this is fruitless

any suggestions of sites, or better phrases to search for greatly welcomed. rah

mm good, odd, good day

mm, good day.

started early and with qutie alot of preening which is a bit silly. bathed, moisterised, dressed, reconsidered, redressed, made the best sandwich in the world and caught a bus. at this point i was going to cardiff, with my lovely bf. but he apparently had dif plans, which i only discovered once on the bus.

fun but

so i get to darling robins
and sulk
and complain
and cajole (how du spell that eh?)
and be grumpy
and complain more
and be upset
but no
robin has other plans
tho only based on lack of comunication.
but rah, still upset me and he would not go against his previous plans (be touched barrie, he likes u chaps)

so i was grumpy. alot.
but my sulk was hard to maintain, was a very hardcore sulk.
so i was pursuaded to stay for lunch and as it was unusually sunny (i didnt say anything about summer comming honest, so its not my fault if it rains for the rest of forever) we went outside and lay on the trampoline in robins garden for 2/3 hours. very lush (tho cold and hot at the same time, was insania) just being, and being warm, and being with robin. was so peaceful and lush : )
so was a happy bunny

then good food (toasties are the best food in the world. ever),
ent stage left some of robins friends, that hid i think, tho was assured they were giving us space cos their nice, jury may still be out, but am inclined to agree. so we ignored robin's hareem as they were described by lois (he and indeed he), was confused by barrie, who hid. confusingly. the 2 secs i saw him for he seemed very nice, gave off an air of iv got a girl friend, hurah hurah, had neuances of have alot of work, but heyho, lets partay, and body language which told my astute senses 'buy me a talk-box, buy me a talk-box buy me a talk box' so i feel it was fruitful meeting.

then for the part id least looked forward to, going home as i had nothing to entertain me.

but this is where the story gets interesting.
1st - found a nice mirror with some rubbish left outside a house, so i comandered it. hurah. but now im walking from adh to clifton down with a long mirror under my arm. and i can only surmise this is why my journey got far more interesting.
2nd i was followed by a drunk for a while, who was loudly exclaiming on the good points of being pissed and why he liked it so much. fun. so i walked at a delibate not running but as near as pos pace away, he followed. was afeard so thought id nip into charity shop to buy the skirt i desired and where he could not follow.
3rd i nip in as planned, hurah have lost our friend. then have the fun of asking them to look aft my mirror whilst i look round. not remarkable event tho.
4th buy a rahter nice skirt
5th have my own complimented on, again pleasent things but not remarkable.
6th on exiting a stanger starts talking to me, im sure only based on my carrying of a large piece of decorative furniture, we start to chat. she was happy, that was nice, she liked painting. great. training to be a medic, but didnt enjoy it but wanted to travel the world helpign people. so cool. she hoped id have a good day. strange convo no?
7th then upon waiting to alight the bus, an old man felt nec to tell me, 'mirror, mirror on the wall, who is tha fairest of teh all? you are my dear.' wuh?

i say to all of my journey with the mirror - wuh?

strange no?

this is long huh
nto terribly hintersting

got back, did work in sunny garden, had fab curry for dinner and the best biscuit in the world. good stuff eh?

i like rain too

just wrote this a comment on robins blog and liked the list so much i thought id put it here, for prosperity.
rain is also good when ur outside and bein.. dramatic.arty.sad.wretched.sexy.childish.zaney.trudging.swimming.
singing. romantic.spontanious.i could go on. i like really stupidly heavy rain for all of these, big spoolishing type drops.

i do like rain like robin, thought id share my antipathy

??

hmm, im am undicided.. dunno whether puting images of my drawings or the like on her would be a. big headed/argogant/etc b. showing off/being proud etc c. an expression of my creative talent and glorifying God. who knos??

wont for the mo
will when im exctited and proud of something
well night for now, arent u glad im back on a several a day thing :) i knew u missed me

why is there grey? not blue, i like the conformity of the blue

anyone kno why the 'lets talk about sex kids' previous post is all grey not the traditional blue hue. am a bit embarraced (anyone kno how to spell that??) waht with the one being highlighted as it where being a bit u kno racey..

similarly why is robins blog link that again grey ish colour?? tho i obv do like that particular blog i dont want to be too 'out there'

help apriciated

my shooooooooes!!!!!!

my shoes my shoes my shoes my shoes!

hurah hurah

ok so i was rude, but now there mine hehehe

right best explain, have very recently discovered the joys of the most goodly 'ebay'. the possibilities are endless!! [to quote izzard and recycling] so as is the way with these things i found this beautiful pair of shoes. and not having buckets of money and def not any dollars on me (which they where asking for) i realised i could not buy these shoes myself. i didnt really get the process. so i thought, very rudely, that i might mail my father and ask that he might desire to, say, u kno, buy them for me - for christmas u understand.. and what with me being down on a bday present (31st jan, its not too late u kno) from my darling dadums it wasnt a terrible requset.

they being a. beautiful in every resect, better than all other doc martin mary janes online, ever. b. not shockingly expensive (tho it took me a while and a helpful website to work out how much $30s was [bout ?18]), it wasnt nessisarily [nessicarily?necissarily?nesissarily?nesicarily? my brain is melting] a very odd and rude request i made.

well it was a bit rude to text as well, pushing the point u might think. did apologise tho. so thats ok. this is where the real story starts tho. several emails passed between me and indeed my father, along the lines off, 'they say they wont ship outside of the USA!', 'aww no!', 'have mailed them, oo what du think of these? i like the blue ones', 'hmm, not the blue, the black are nice tho - not as good as a the brown tho u kno... they emailed back??', 'no,what about these camper shoes?', 'they are nice huh, mailed?','nope', 'they emailed yet?', 'no'

'any mail? only two hours to go'

'no'

'mailed??? 1hr 12 mins'

no, and we're going out now :(. tho there havnt been any bids either.'

'rah 18mins

12 mins

7mins

5 mins

3mins

the end, not bids yet, u got mail?'

a little while later.

'no, will mail the owner again tho'

then a few days letter, a text, saying they've mailed back (!) they want $50 to send here

'hurah!'

then a little while later..

'its gone through'!!!! hurray hurrah huray hip hip etc

so the shoes are on their way to england, and then from london, to bristol and mee! hurah

not that i am materalisticm, but woo! nice shoes

:)

all alone, no one here beside me...

rah am aware i havent blogged for a fair while.
not that my life hasnt been interesting, jus that its been busy, work filled indeed..
so have had little time..

am atm, abondoned in robins room, robin has gone to practice for the worship tonight, which is cool. but am a bit lonely now. he went bout an hour ago.. joey said he would hang out with me, but hes busy mit his new not quite gf on the phone..

again thats fair play.. but means im all aloney..

i seem to get rather grumpy atm, in a kind of maudlin, meloncholic kind of way.. the kind of mood where i wonder if robin likes me. which is silly, but..

oo parently theres a name for what iv got, 'mid relationship blues' ok so not catchy but..
feel very lonely, and not just cos iv been abandoned.. is a bit silly..

rah rah rah rah rah rah, am so frustrated atm,
pos cos im not doin that work thing..

should be.. gona get a toasty in a min.. in someone elses kitchen, on my own, im cool.
yes i am sad atm :D