music, its really cool huh

music is really great huh, like really. im listeniog to the marvy amilie soundtrack and i cannot describe how good it makes me feel at all, in words. id like to share with u but i canny.. is sad but brilig at the same time

well nunite for today, i am a bit sporadic with this whole posting thing huh
tell hope u enjoed my most recent offering.
goodnight and God bless
r xx

phew! photog is a o k

o for those of u racked with worry about my possibly void photography course work..
its all ok!!!!!!!!!!!
they hadnt even noticed!
they were gona mark it but then we're too cool, as one of the miss's were ill
am very blessed indeed
:D

ok so now have less than 3weeks to complete this project now, also to all my art in too..rah still, least it counts

:D
*is indeed a false grtted teeth kind of grin but hey*

ok, so can i get a kind of pole on this subject please.. i am unsure whether i am abnormal and if thsi is somehting considered morally wrong.. please feed back

if in a house with only two people living in it, as i do, and the bathroom door if not occupied is open, and a lock that is lots of effort to get to work, is it wrong to leave the door unlocked? i feel it is not i can never be arsed, unless we have company u kno, mamon on the other hand was shocked to hear this.. equally with bathing/showering etc, it is not nec to lock i feel..

hmm i open this to the floor.. *makes large open to teh flooe type arm gesture*

big thanks to ro for my marvy new counter thingie, my how many of u chaps are there?!

big thumbs up for u



lol

rahhhh

stuff is odd u kno

stuff with robin.. all a bit odd.. good [ish].. just odd.. i dont kno how to do Godly realtionships.. never been in one before.. well not one lasting mroe than a week and that wasnt that Godly tbh.. i dont really kno how i should be feeling now (tis nearly four months now for those not countin, feels longer, lots longer), or how we should be now, wahts normal, whats ballanced etc..

i dont kno

geuss thats the point, learning together or whatnot [a disconserting phrase used by my new userper core teacher (old brilliant one gone, new slightly odd one that makes us work, here now.. dont trust him, he teaches buisness and economics?! who would trust him?! nad hes called mr tiPlady, is not good to think that P is say another letter..), he uses it ALOT, ent a common phrase, i may or may not take up, am experimentign u kno..]*..

it is better than it was.. geuss its gonna be up and dfown for the next few months[/years?! do hope not, that its up and down then not that were not together then..]

what is odd is that we used to devote like all spare time to each toehr and would make a big effort to be amusing and attractive and intersting nad generally impressing.. but now we dont so much, convo isnt like bad or even dull just nto as exciting as beofre u kno?

rah! waht is a young blogger to do? finally found time in my busy scedual to do some actual bloggin and am constantly being interepeted by demands for work to be emailed ot people etc, shocking u kno, simply shocking. no manners

hmm rob stuff.. rah well we've talked and jazz and kno its all gona be cool and we love each otehr lots [yes actually not just ooo i fancy u and i think im in luuurve. actual love, spelt like that. if u odnt believe me then heyho] so itl be k and we want to make the effort

but it is an effort now, not jsut gorgeuosly fun and spontainious.. not that it ent that but u kno..

iv assumed "u kno" alot today huh, so u cant be cretin [never thought u were*, honest :) ]

hmm shall muter about me and rob alot in the forseealbe (that looks well odd huh) as stuff is well u kno.. odd..

hmm toodles for now, have more to say but shall break it up a bit u kno, stop it being a huuuge chunk of text, make it a bit more racey ..
*what alot of bracket type things eh?
*am very touched by ur response to that comment of mine, 9 comment thingies, very touched :) made me feel loved *grins happily*

finally free from fret

ok, so im sitting here, eating salami [dont looka t me liek that, we all have odd snack/binge foods*, i like germanic salty smoked meats, does it matter?], thinkin i should be doing work..

i have a small mouhntain of it, its towering ominously as we speak.. but im still proud of the samll dent iv made today [admitedly the only day iv really worked all half term] have finished my first photography project!!!! finnally!!!! was due in before christmas and i now only have a month to do a project that has the same amount of marks but... still happy at its completion. slightyl worried theyve already sent off the marks and mine will be ungraded.. surely they wont have.. argh

thats one of those fears that is to deadful to actaully think about, so im carefully labeling it and placing it in the very furthest, dustiest sheves of my mind..

i go argh whenever it comes unbidden to the fore. sure they havnt..

argh

hmm iv also filed, this is a major achievemetn for me

have filed everything that needs to be filed. my lack of filing was starting to oppress me, and effecting my work.. got to the end of my i don treally need to file tether, when i had to start a piece of work 3 times because i couldnt find the perivious ones, in the heaving mass that was the shared wedge of papers that was sociology - both halves, and biblical and ethics. i started to fret about it deeply. am now free of said fret and indeed am ellated..how do u spell that??

hmm better go look up tracy emin.. she is marvy, dont agrue, u dont understand her work and have just been fed sensationalist tabloid headline grabbing ideas about her work.. ask me and i shall rant and enlighten u, but canny be arsed atm

signing off

* im not that bad, i kno a girl whos mum is weird, so all the 'unhealthy' foods are actually under lock and key, shocking no? thus the poor girl is reduced to having cheese with chocolate spread as her odd snack food.. shes very very thin and perfect looking tho, so not all bad

hmm

argh, the stresses of being a blogger, i worry my last entry were faaaar to long for anyone to be arsed to read it, but then think im doing down my dearest readers intelligence and honour etc..

hmm

dunno if ur all (i say all, but i fear only rob reads this) cretins
and i kno he is :D

nunight
xx

my fears

i fear that my blog as yet hasnt been very hinteresting. my apologies.

hmm, i called this entry my fears re: my singluar fear that this be dull as dish water.. and i now cant think of anything particularly intersting to regail u with, so will go with that..

my fears:
- mummies (including the like bog preserved people, people preserved in ice, people burried in hot sand that have been preserved)/corpses/real human skeletons/purtifying flesh etc
[actaulyl cannot stand them in any form, eg on telly, people with good makeup on screen/photographs/anything in actual life obviously too.

[this stems from my dearest darling father putting me on top of the glass on a display cabinet which u look down into at the museum (bristolians shall know it, well are deprived if not, the one where u look down on two mummies, lying next to each other..). i cant have been more than say 4, cos i was small enough to be put on top. needless to sday iv had nightmares ever sincwe about the glass braking, falling on them etc. from this has stemmed a fear of all rotting/rotten human flesh. purtifyings such a good word. hmm it got worse till i was like 13 then eased off... having of a vivid imagination tho i say it myself, i often completely freaked out at night imaging dead bodies in my room etc. but God was really lush to me adn helped me to get over that.. wow this was suppoesd to be light hearted and even goodness forbid humourous.. got a bit heavy huh]

- that robin will decide he doesnt think im attractive at all and run away. id be totally crushed, cant take people i love leaving/hating me.. hasnt happened much in my short life, especially compared to some people, but has a enough to make me really really never want to feel again.. one of the reasons i was so scared to allow myself to like robin actualy.. ok i kno ur choping at the bit to ask what deep emotional pain iv suffered but are too polite to ask..

soo a. dad left when i was very little like less than one little, didnt really think much of it tis God gently showed me how broken i was about it deep down. not that i want dad to live with me and mam, that would be rubbish - i like how close me and mam are and dont need dad around tho its nice that hes in my life (see him like 4/5times a year or sumat).. but it really undermines you for one of the two people ur given at birth to look after u and to protect u has better things to do. also leaving the house, fine i can see that, but i think moving city is quite harsh.. but im all good now, took a long time but have forgiven him, like really have, not jsut a yeah i forgive u cos Jesus says u should.. tho that obv gave me insentive. it took along time, i like grieved alot - for like a year or more. but its ok now.. am glad of it as soo kno God as my dady now, not jsut some belovaent guy out ther somewhere, He completely looked after me. was brilliant.. is brilliant

b. had long term fairly abusive realtionship wotha guy at my school when i was like 13/14/15 ish form end of year 8 to beginnign of year 10, yes i was young but it mattered.. deep feeling and jazz, first proper, actualyl first ever bf, first kiss first guy to fancy me that told me, first guy to dump me - multiple times, first quite alot of things. really wish we hadnt got together now but then again part of who i am etc and i like (ish) who i am. the emotiional pain bit came when i got God and God got me to leave this guy, that in itself was hard, but i knew he was really abd for me and i wanted to be pure and that wouldnt have worked with our fairly sexual relationship etc. but he was on alot of drugs at teh time and told me he was dying, i believed him cos we were realyl close and u jsut dont do that. really skrewed me up, really did. what with finding out he was lying, and then him still being at my school, even tho hed like died to me.
again iv forgiven him now, but took a heg* of a long time. we can now make polite convosation.

c. a really good friend of mine, even best friend, was very mentally unstable/ill, we were really realy close and i did something really stupid and to me small, but because of a complex of hers which i should have rembered she started to hate me. i realy didnt cope very well, cried in class etc, always a fun thing. it was horrid and cos i cant take people leaving me that great i was destrought, dont think shes ever forgiven me, tho we've both mellowed a bit about it. used ot hurt so much. but was really great cos it helped me forgive dad cos it was something id done without thinking it thru that i could only stop suffering for if she forgave me, there was nothing i could do apart from wait on her generousity. she didnt extend it as far as i kno, but thats ok. it taught me how to and why it was nec.

think thats it, shant write any more fears now
as tooooo much text.

woah too mcuh writing.. i should bw working too. o dear

nunite
xx


* heg, rosanim, means alot sim to feg

something good that my God mam showed me [see i can be deep]

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure!

It is our Light, not our darkness, that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinkingso that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us.

It's in everyone.

And as we let our own Light shine,We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fears,Our presence automatically liberates others.

-- Marianne Williamson

ok this is the fifth but

ok so it was four, but lets make it five for accuacies sake...

apologies

sorry im chattin about rob too much huh.. cant be interesting, unfortuneately i am a bit pathetic and not haivn ga life of my own i feed of his..


ps whats that? 5 posts in as many minutes, not bad going i reckon

HE IS WRONG

i have been happily informed by my loving boyfriend that i shant last more than 2 months max as a blogger and shall get bored. i feel valued. cheerished indeed

HE IS WRONG

so ha

good insentive anyway..

he obviously underestimates my ablility to talk/ramble/blather/type pick your preffered adverb [is it an adverb?! i dont kno]

my hands smell of baby.. odd

must go work...

now

ish


might eat lunch instead, i kno its too early and im not hungry but hey who are u to tell me not too...

this is rosa eaton reporting for newsround, not back to u in the studio

xx

too cheerful du think?

sorry if my blog looks too cheery i kno some people, eg a small festive bird i kno, will think so, but that mitchell boy should get my pic..

actually his is pink atm, so im winning..

[not keeping score honest]

up down shake it all around, but im happy now

iv been a bit up and down over the last 24 hours or so...

brillig time with Robin (see thats how much i carea bout u, i give u catipital), even though i was late.. then had pizza on a whim with him, were good, got home and then was very very sad. as odd, am not depressed or even manically (is it called bi-polar now? please inform me if u kno) just occationally cry alot

was good as me and that boy i see alot of talked about jazz todo with us, i worked out why i was sad (mainly cos of my irrational behaviour/hang over stuff from when i was messed up*/just being scared wed split up - which is silly) and then felt all ok again, then read some of the stuff i was given for vday by that boy. very gorgeous too, so that made me happy. and then this morn got up stupidly early to go to robs to get my flowers that id left there (v rubbish), at like 8.30 i was up, dressed and at his, be impressed or just think im made for being up that early

that was nice but i was very tired and a bit useless. then listened to teh compilation he made me on the bus home and jsut made me sooo exceedingly happy. positively squeeling with pleasure with each new song..>>>>brown eyed girl, rome wasnt built in a day, norah jones, bright eyes, robbie-angels, feeder, areosmith, radiohead, aqualung, eva cassidy, bon jovi, halellujah, u2 ground beneth her feet, the verve, coldplay, damien rice, athlete,travis. the end. all my absolute favourites. was dancing on the bus, was so hard to stop myself singing. lush flowers, lush day (sunny), lush music, lush boyfriend, lush realtionship with God. was a happy happy happy bunny

still am

but should work

hmm

shall away.. goodnight and God bless

ps id like to give God full credit for my amazingly happy state, He knows m and my needs nad gives me such good stuff till it over flows, am blessed indeed
* have quuite a dramatic conversion (dont like that word, sounds like iv been converted from say gas to electric or suamt) story, do ask if ur hinterested im not like secretive, io nfact am stupidly open. do ask

hurah!

im saved from a mediocre vday :D

spy hq in russia have given me a secret mission that i must carry out with comrade romanishche :D our top secret mission means we will be occupied all day and shall have brillig time

hurah

hurah

caloo callay *

yay

sorry to laden u with such useless info for you , am happy tho

*jaberwocky dontcha know

vday should be cancelled

:) people have actually read this, how odd. but welcome and howdy do come again.

tell u what's rubbish, is valentines day. obviously because of the capitalist/greetings card organised day to get money and to make people feel rubbish if they are single. but if u are blessed enuf to be in a relationship u have to like think of special things to do and to give each other and like make effort. this in its self is not that bad, makin the effort is lush and stuff. but argh! me and the afore mentioned robin a low on ideas and indeed energy.. thus maybe bit of an anti climax and its all greetings cards makers fault.

well im not that fussed to tell truth. just spending time will be cool, and its just national couple day, who really cares? but i want to do nice things to make that one happy. hmm

shant bore u with our vague and frankly unimpressive plans (well there ok, but not earth shaking) or with my actually brilliant present (which shall remain highly secret), but thought id share the general irk of the whole vday thing. rah. i disapprove of it. generally. lots

any sim plight or any diatribe/rant etc on vday in general gratefully recieved, tho not nec

ps i do exist so there : )

ello

well hi, this is me i geuss. im um..17, nearly 5.6, christian, called rosa, kinda redish brown hair atm, dyslexic (so my spelling dont work great), brown eyed, bristolian (tho not accent wise), white, middle class.. none of that is that hinteresting but hey, we've just met wouldnt want to be too forward.

i could set out my aims, aspirations, agenda, other things beginning with a, for this blog but really dont have any realy.. am here as a result of a convo mit meine* boyfriend (robin* for any of u guys i havent told at length and detail already), hes rather into the blogging thing and was chatting to him bout it - realised i a. wanted to write a diary but couldnt be bothered, effort to write stuff down b. that i always part wanted people to read it. sooo.. i figure this isnt a terrible solution

i shant go on as have already typed far too much for a first blog... again we've only just met, dont want u to think im needy or anything, not yet anyways. and must away to make vday present thingie (still top secret) yes i have left it this late and have big plans argh it shall never be done.. (dont judge me as too sickly yet, i have mentioned robin lots but am not obcessed or too romantic/cutsie etc..)

well have a good day/night/afternoon/morning/insert ur own time of day here .........

nunite


* - sorry i do slip in to german on a occation, no idea why, hated it when i had to study it..all five fegging^ years
^ - something else u should kno is that i do use 'made up' words eg feg, also see fegging,fegged,feg off (means sim to any swear word u choose to pick but without the offensive quality). thats all i can think of now but shall enlighten u when i member/use more
* - we've been together now 3 months ish, getting together since the summer so quite along time really. all very God lead, very lush. id say ill try not to talk about him, but it wont happen. tell me to hush if i get too over the top. for more info on him see www.albinblog.blogspot.com